breathe.

I really need to study.
But my brain is fried.

I wish.


Damn, life used to be real simple. Even in high school, it was nothing compared to this. Don't get me wrong, I love college, I just hate school ... well school's not that bad ... chemistry is bad. And chemistry being bad makes me fall behind in my other classes. I shouldn't have to skip other classes so I can get chemistry done. It sucks. I knew it was going to be hard but damn.


It actually makes me wonder what I want to do with my life. If I want to change my career goals around. If I'm not flying through general chemistry, how the hell am I going to make it through orgo and orgo 2? I know good things don't come easy, but come on ... I'm not even going to get there at this pace.


I've wanted to be a veterinarian all my life ... it's been my dream since I was little. Now I feel like I have to give it up because I can barely get through my freshman year of college. I can't even imagine how the next three years are going to be. I'm working my ass off and it's not even paying off. I feel like I am trying for no reason, it's not getting me anywhere. So what am I supposed to do? I couldn't even imagine doing anything different than being a veterinarian, or even not being in the medical field at all but it's all about chemistry and that is not going well.


What to do.


I'm terrified I'm not going to end up happy if I can't be a veterinarian, or not even get in to vet school at all. But in another sense, I feel like I'll be happy in whatever I do ... It's definitely a learning process, definitely a journey but a tough one at that.


I'm procrastinating. Back to studying ... like it'll help.