I'll be okay.

You can't always wait for the perfect time. Sometimes you just dare to do it because life's too short to wonder what could have been.

I think I realized something today. I have been spending the past six months being upset and feeling sorry for myself because of everything that has happened. Six months. I finally realized I have spent half of my first year in college upset. Wow, really? Six months of my life spent being sad. That is crazy to me. That is not me. I am such a happy person, why would I do that to myself. Okay, yes I had all the reason to be upset in September when everything happened but why am I still upset? These years are supposed to be the best years of my life and they're just wasting away. I need to realize the good things in life and not reminisce on the bad. What's the point? It's not going to change the past. I can't sit around feeling sorry for myself hoping things would be different. For once in the past six months I can finally say, I am happy.

I think I came to realize this because I am finally able to talk to him. As friends. And I am okay with that. Yes, I still love him and I'm sure I always will. He was my first love so he is always going to have a place in my heart. But I am finally okay with talking to him as friends. Not saying I could hang out with him necessarily but I feel like that's reasonable, given the circumstances. But talking to him is so nice. He was my best friend and I feel like in a way I got that back. I also realized that everybody I meet is not going to leave me. I have friends who love me. I have an ex-boyfriend, despite everything that has happened, who still wants to talk to me. I have an amazing family. I have incredible sorority sisters who I know would do anything for me. I am lucky. Okay, fine, I wish I was doing better in school but hey, I'm trying and that is all I can do. I am happy. And I can finally say that and mean it.

And to add to all this, my sorority sister and really good friend said to me last night, "It's okay. We've all had shit happen. It was the past, and hopefully you can move on from your mistake. I love you and that wont change." I don't think she realized how much that meant to me. It made me realize that not everyone is going to judge me on my mistakes and they're still going to love me no matter what. I just have to move on and learn from it. So thank you. I love you.

Everything will be okay.